baking and mistakes and regret

fuck.
whatever.

hallucinations

leaf chicken: 1, josh: 0

it's been a while since I peaced from the law

had a nice run this morning, silent and crisp.
saturday, so nobody out and about really.

a mile and a half in a car creeps up behind me and honks. I pay it no mind. and then again. the asshole doesn't think I heard him. wants me to get out the way. so I unsheathe our favorite finger and give him the bird.

at which point he pulls up next to me
and asks if "I wanna' try that wave again?"
he's rollin' deep. in a big ass cruiser.
a police interceptor.
mr. ossifer was, shall we say, visibly frustrated.

I give him an enormous jackal grin and keep right on keepin' on.

wonder if there were any juicier crimes he could have been fighting on such a lovely morning. ah... welcome to stockton.

reminds me of an old nike sb commercial

trick question:

why isn't getting a job
like growing a beard?

before you got here

A web of asphalt was spun over the mouth of San Francisco. Deep dark overpasses that coiled and snaked like the closely tucked tubes of an abandoned waterslide. Mysterious hyper-urban shapes. A stark and sudden transformation from the golden rolling hills of Berkeley to the grit and juggernaut of The City. A place where all things became literal, where the shells of homeless tucked into the shadows thrown by the looming Financial District. Be ready, it warned, anything can happen.

In ’89 the earth decided to give that gauntlet a shake and a face lift, inspiring the stewards of San Francisco to pull down what remained. Things got a little cleaner, a little softer. The double-decker freeway along the Embarcadero came down, bit by bit chunks of overpass were replaced by chunks of sky.

It feels different now, entering The City. The old growth is cut away and glass condos pierce the sky like flowers run wild. A cover worthy to judge this book by.

the misconceptions of a 9 year old

michael phelps is hardcore and all, but hardly as badass as john rambo.

all I need to do to get in the shape of my life is crawl around in the dirt, eat maggots, and live in a lean-to hewn from body parts of the local sheriff.
careful, don't waste any...

broken noses,

broken dreams.

I ever tell you about breaking that girl's nose in fourth grade? my dad put me in judo when I was a little kid, thought a little more aggressiveness could do me some good. sarah range was a crush of mine, she wanted me to demonstrate some of my moves. I broke her nose. accidental.

if only my pops had stuck me in gymnastics. I coulda' used a little more gymnasty in my life.

here horsie-horsie

you woke me up. I was having an inspirational dream and you woke me up. digging deep into the iner workings of my soul. why are you even awake at 9 in the morning? pewie.

In my dream I was in a rodeo, my trusty steed a was a paint,
cool as gandhi. the clowns, they were everywhere, and weren't too happy with me for some reason, the murderous clowns. they unleashed the beast, a rabid bucking bronco sent to do their bidding. it bucked and kicked, eyes wild as fire. scary, somethin' fierce, foaming and whatnot. but my paint she hung in there, and I began to realize that just because we're taking a thrashing doesn't mean we're gonna' fall off the horse.

come to pub quiz.

starting

y0.

tasty talk today, reality check and pesto. killer combination.

it's funny, we're all so spoiled. more often than not things are looking up, trick is to step back far enough to realize it. I'm listening to nina. I wonder how often she doubted herself. how often she hesitated because she was afraid. how often she got in her own way. and if she was ever proud of herself.

don't forget to make art.

guess what fenske, the happiness formula works

there's a theory going around that good things make you happier if you've gone without them for some time. it's proving true. I've been without legal wheels for almost two years now.

and while I don't have plates yet for the new cherrybomb, I'm already beating the street with the bravado that goes hand in hand with being legal.

and today I purchased "insurance" so I'm not held "liable" for any of my "booboos." SOLEGAL!

I almost drank a ladybug

instead I coughed up a throat full of leigh street malaria water

friday was filth and puddles and pushing and blood and thrill.
and rugby with some wild eyed homies who make me smile.

just like to remind the viewing audience that saying yes is scarier, but always more rewarding.

what will I add to my journey today? how will I help others journey?

say yes more often.

not my shirt

I do not own the shirt pictured at the left:
mine is obviously blue.
duh.

we gave it 110%

and it paid off.

throwing a party is a funny thing. mounds of energy and prep, worries and woes all spent to make sure the thing goes off without a hitch. smoke and mirrors to set up, refreshments to round up, costumes and make up.

then the hour comes.
and nobody comes.

ah yes, fashionably late, nothing to worry about.

and they came, oh did they come. eventually they all came; werewolves and pop stars, brandcenter logos and umas.

and it was a party.



there was dancing and chaos and blood and nakedness. pots of beer and cake all smeared. round and round and round we went until someone blurted that the kegs had run dry and the juice was no more.

and still we went round.

and then we were in the street. and all our friends were going home. somehow. toilets and beds were calling their names. and daylight.

there would be no dreaming tonight. all that magic had already been spent.















you stay classy, brandcenter.

et tu, Carrie?

the evolution of relationships is a puzzling thing. romantic ones are difficult enough to unravel, but platonic ones? how do you know if your casual internet buddy has graduated to full fledged BFF status?? and is the feeling always mutual?

like any other relationship, what you get out of a friendship mirrors what you put in, and if you keep it purely superficial that's what you'll get in return. which isn't necessarily a bad thing. superficial buddies have their place, social connections, drinking circles and whatnot.

but the awesomeness of true friendship lies in the elevated expectations. and it goes both ways. you know that person'll go to the mat for you; you're plenty pleased to reciprocate. it's quite wonderful. where it gets sticky is when the superficial starts acting like the true friendship type. expectations don't match up. some become abusive and others get pooped on. it's mostly nasty.

when it comes to friendship, even when we try to keep it light, how do we end up in the dark?

takin' out the trash

friday night ten-thirty pm I exit the tobacco company down in the slip. four kids in a donked out caprice roll up to the stop at 12th and cary, music bumpin'.

before the car completes its turn three beat cops are chasing it down, guns drawn. pistols stuffed through car windows and into kids faces. shouting ensues.

hands in the air.
out of the car now.

how violated do these kids feel?

crowds of white folk gather to see what the big hoo-ha is. they find the amount of force used inappropriate. I find it offensive.
before all is said and done four squad cars are on the scene. better safe than sorry.
thank you richmond pd.
thank you for keeping our streets squeaky clean.

sunday brunch at the house o'payne

had quite a busy morning. some of us talked with god at church, some of us found her in the kitchen. the wisest of us skipped god and slept in. then we got together for pancakes and fruit. and good company.









it's rosh hashanah this week, a great time to talk about things we're grateful for that happened in the year past. friendship was a pretty common theme around the table. hmmm. we were just sucking up to each other. but we all seemed especially grateful for the house of payne. this place is becoming an institution. seems like its made quite a few people happy in the short while its existed, and that's mui importante.

something to consider: yom kippur is coming up this weekend. its a time to reflect on how we can do better next year; better for ourselves, for each other, for the earth community as a whole. it's easy to get caught up in the chaos of the moment. lets be sure its not at the expense of bigger adventure.

by the way, brunch was delicious. next time yer all invited. welcome to the fam, amber!

the culture of long walks on the beach

what constitutes a cultural group? is apple a culture? if so, does owning an ipod grant you access or do you actually have to have the sticker on your car? my pops used to kid me for having stüssy shirts; thought it was funny that I was making some guy named stüssy famous. and I was paying cash ta' do it.

or maybe it was a requirement of being a part of the stüssy culture?

MMA. now there's a culture. shared vocabulary, mannerisms, dress. have common aspirations, hang out at the same places and seem awfully strange to all us normals on the outside looking in. isn't that what culture is all about?

it took a few days for me to blog this. I belong to the culture of procrastination.

it's not an adcenter party 'till somebody calls on johnny law

special props to the production team: sean for providin' beats, marcus for keg transport, and slate for ice. everyone who pitched in on the booze fund and everyone who showed up to make it such a raucous event, house of payne thanks you.

best part of the evening was singing happy birthday to rob.

happy birthday rob!

and to all the lames who missed out, don't worry, we'll be back.

y'own medicine

so many words of wisdom stirin'round lately for the new kids I was wondering what I could add to the soup. and I realized that the things being said are just as valuable to the 2nd years as it is to the first. I think that's the magic of this experience: we're all at different stages and yet we all have the ability to contribute to each other's progress.

here's my contribution for the greenies and the vets:

stay positive.

there's a saying which I'm sure you've all heard by now. it's only advertising. it's true. you can get so bent out of shape working on a dead-end project, or with a partner you just don't jive with. but all that negative energy, what's it good for? shake that shit off and move on. it's good that we remind ourselves every now and again that we're some lucky sons of bitches getting to play with ads all day. make it fun.
if it's not fun, it's not worth it.

anonymous and me stayin' positive at strawberryfrog, NY

I want some advice.
from a 1st year. any takers?

we so lazy?

I'm tired of your dry emails. you wanna' communicate with me? do me a favor and make me laugh, or ponder, or something. just stop making your emails lame. on the other hand, don't try and be entertaining if you suck at it. a sure sign that you suck is if you think you don't. if this is the case, stick to the text messages. keeps folks in the dark on your suckedness.

to the right is an example of creative funny. it's no richard prior shit, but it ain't lame either. they made an honest attempt at brightening up our day, and you gotta' appreciate that.

here's the challenge:
lets send mass emails more. and consider our audience more. we're creative kids in a creative industry, and we should start acting like it. fuck dry communication, I just wanna' laugh. and dance.
the mo'haha the emails, the mo'betta.
hella'.