some kid presents: boo, the internet

baking and mistakes and regret

2009-01-16T14:04:00.007-05:00

fuck.
whatever.

hallucinations

2008-11-29T17:39:00.003-05:00

leaf chicken: 1, josh: 0

it's been a while since I peaced from the law

2008-11-22T15:11:00.014-05:00

had a nice run this morning, silent and crisp.
saturday, so nobody out and about really.

a mile and a half in a car creeps up behind me and honks. I pay it no mind. and then again. the asshole doesn't think I heard him. wants me to get out the way. so I unsheathe our favorite finger and give him the bird.

at which point he pulls up next to me
and asks if "I wanna' try that wave again?"
he's rollin' deep. in a big ass cruiser.
a police interceptor.
mr. ossifer was, shall we say, visibly frustrated.

I give him an enormous jackal grin and keep right on keepin' on.

wonder if there were any juicier crimes he could have been fighting on such a lovely morning. ah... welcome to stockton.

reminds me of an old nike sb commercial

trick question:

2008-11-20T18:27:00.004-05:00

why isn't getting a job
like growing a beard?

before you got here

2008-10-24T13:10:00.004-04:00

A web of asphalt was spun over the mouth of San Francisco. Deep dark overpasses that coiled and snaked like the closely tucked tubes of an abandoned waterslide. Mysterious hyper-urban shapes. A stark and sudden transformation from the golden rolling hills of Berkeley to the grit and juggernaut of The City. A place where all things became literal, where the shells of homeless tucked into the shadows thrown by the looming Financial District. Be ready, it warned, anything can happen.

In ’89 the earth decided to give that gauntlet a shake and a face lift, inspiring the stewards of San Francisco to pull down what remained. Things got a little cleaner, a little softer. The double-decker freeway along the Embarcadero came down, bit by bit chunks of overpass were replaced by chunks of sky.

It feels different now, entering The City. The old growth is cut away and glass condos pierce the sky like flowers run wild. A cover worthy to judge this book by.

the misconceptions of a 9 year old

2008-09-22T14:15:00.007-04:00

michael phelps is hardcore and all, but hardly as badass as john rambo.

all I need to do to get in the shape of my life is crawl around in the dirt, eat maggots, and live in a lean-to hewn from body parts of the local sheriff.
careful, don't waste any...

broken noses,

2008-09-12T20:13:00.004-04:00

broken dreams.

I ever tell you about breaking that girl's nose in fourth grade? my dad put me in judo when I was a little kid, thought a little more aggressiveness could do me some good. sarah range was a crush of mine, she wanted me to demonstrate some of my moves. I broke her nose. accidental.

if only my pops had stuck me in gymnastics. I coulda' used a little more gymnasty in my life.

here horsie-horsie

2008-09-11T13:44:00.008-04:00

you woke me up. I was having an inspirational dream and you woke me up. digging deep into the iner workings of my soul. why are you even awake at 9 in the morning? pewie.

In my dream I was in a rodeo, my trusty steed a was a paint,
cool as gandhi. the clowns, they were everywhere, and weren't too happy with me for some reason, the murderous clowns. they unleashed the beast, a rabid bucking bronco sent to do their bidding. it bucked and kicked, eyes wild as fire. scary, somethin' fierce, foaming and whatnot. but my paint she hung in there, and I began to realize that just because we're taking a thrashing doesn't mean we're gonna' fall off the horse.

come to pub quiz.

starting

2008-09-09T20:41:00.005-04:00

y0.

tasty talk today, reality check and pesto. killer combination.

it's funny, we're all so spoiled. more often than not things are looking up, trick is to step back far enough to realize it. I'm listening to nina. I wonder how often she doubted herself. how often she hesitated because she was afraid. how often she got in her own way. and if she was ever proud of herself.

don't forget to make art.

guess what fenske, the happiness formula works

2008-02-09T23:10:00.000-05:00

there's a theory going around that good things make you happier if you've gone without them for some time. it's proving true. I've been without legal wheels for almost two years now.

and while I don't have plates yet for the new cherrybomb, I'm already beating the street with the bravado that goes hand in hand with being legal.

and today I purchased "insurance" so I'm not held "liable" for any of my "booboos." SOLEGAL!

I almost drank a ladybug

2008-02-03T00:20:00.001-05:00

instead I coughed up a throat full of leigh street malaria water

friday was filth and puddles and pushing and blood and thrill.
and rugby with some wild eyed homies who make me smile.

just like to remind the viewing audience that saying yes is scarier, but always more rewarding.

what will I add to my journey today? how will I help others journey?

say yes more often.

not my shirt

2007-12-18T17:56:00.000-05:00

I do not own the shirt pictured at the left:
mine is obviously blue.
duh.

we gave it 110%

2007-10-29T23:54:00.000-04:00

and it paid off.

throwing a party is a funny thing. mounds of energy and prep, worries and woes all spent to make sure the thing goes off without a hitch. smoke and mirrors to set up, refreshments to round up, costumes and make up.

then the hour comes.
and nobody comes.

ah yes, fashionably late, nothing to worry about.

and they came, oh did they come. eventually they all came; werewolves and pop stars, brandcenter logos and umas.

and it was a party.

there was dancing and chaos and blood and nakedness. pots of beer and cake all smeared. round and round and round we went until someone blurted that the kegs had run dry and the juice was no more.

and still we went round.

and then we were in the street. and all our friends were going home. somehow. toilets and beds were calling their names. and daylight.

there would be no dreaming tonight. all that magic had already been spent.

you stay classy, brandcenter.

et tu, Carrie?

2007-10-06T13:11:00.000-04:00

the evolution of relationships is a puzzling thing. romantic ones are difficult enough to unravel, but platonic ones? how do you know if your casual internet buddy has graduated to full fledged BFF status?? and is the feeling always mutual?

like any other relationship, what you get out of a friendship mirrors what you put in, and if you keep it purely superficial that's what you'll get in return. which isn't necessarily a bad thing. superficial buddies have their place, social connections, drinking circles and whatnot.

but the awesomeness of true friendship lies in the elevated expectations. and it goes both ways. you know that person'll go to the mat for you; you're plenty pleased to reciprocate. it's quite wonderful. where it gets sticky is when the superficial starts acting like the true friendship type. expectations don't match up. some become abusive and others get pooped on. it's mostly nasty.

when it comes to friendship, even when we try to keep it light, how do we end up in the dark?

takin' out the trash

2007-09-22T19:24:00.000-04:00

friday night ten-thirty pm I exit the tobacco company down in the slip. four kids in a donked out caprice roll up to the stop at 12th and cary, music bumpin'.

before the car completes its turn three beat cops are chasing it down, guns drawn. pistols stuffed through car windows and into kids faces. shouting ensues.

hands in the air.
out of the car now.

how violated do these kids feel?

crowds of white folk gather to see what the big hoo-ha is. they find the amount of force used inappropriate. I find it offensive.
before all is said and done four squad cars are on the scene. better safe than sorry.
thank you richmond pd.
thank you for keeping our streets squeaky clean.

sunday brunch at the house o'payne

2007-09-16T18:10:00.000-04:00

had quite a busy morning. some of us talked with god at church, some of us found her in the kitchen. the wisest of us skipped god and slept in. then we got together for pancakes and fruit. and good company.

it's rosh hashanah this week, a great time to talk about things we're grateful for that happened in the year past. friendship was a pretty common theme around the table. hmmm. we were just sucking up to each other. but we all seemed especially grateful for the house of payne. this place is becoming an institution. seems like its made quite a few people happy in the short while its existed, and that's mui importante.

something to consider: yom kippur is coming up this weekend. its a time to reflect on how we can do better next year; better for ourselves, for each other, for the earth community as a whole. it's easy to get caught up in the chaos of the moment. lets be sure its not at the expense of bigger adventure.

by the way, brunch was delicious. next time yer all invited. welcome to the fam, amber!

the culture of long walks on the beach

2007-09-13T15:18:00.001-04:00

what constitutes a cultural group? is apple a culture? if so, does owning an ipod grant you access or do you actually have to have the sticker on your car? my pops used to kid me for having stüssy shirts; thought it was funny that I was making some guy named stüssy famous. and I was paying cash ta' do it.

or maybe it was a requirement of being a part of the stüssy culture?

MMA. now there's a culture. shared vocabulary, mannerisms, dress. have common aspirations, hang out at the same places and seem awfully strange to all us normals on the outside looking in. isn't that what culture is all about?

it took a few days for me to blog this. I belong to the culture of procrastination.

it's not an adcenter party 'till somebody calls on johnny law

2007-09-01T14:14:00.000-04:00

special props to the production team: sean for providin' beats, marcus for keg transport, and slate for ice. everyone who pitched in on the booze fund and everyone who showed up to make it such a raucous event, house of payne thanks you.

best part of the evening was singing happy birthday to rob.

happy birthday rob!

and to all the lames who missed out, don't worry, we'll be back.

y'own medicine

2007-08-09T18:54:00.000-04:00

so many words of wisdom stirin'round lately for the new kids I was wondering what I could add to the soup. and I realized that the things being said are just as valuable to the 2nd years as it is to the first. I think that's the magic of this experience: we're all at different stages and yet we all have the ability to contribute to each other's progress.

here's my contribution for the greenies and the vets:

stay positive.

there's a saying which I'm sure you've all heard by now. it's only advertising. it's true. you can get so bent out of shape working on a dead-end project, or with a partner you just don't jive with. but all that negative energy, what's it good for? shake that shit off and move on. it's good that we remind ourselves every now and again that we're some lucky sons of bitches getting to play with ads all day. make it fun.
if it's not fun, it's not worth it.

anonymous and me stayin' positive at strawberryfrog, NY

I want some advice.
from a 1st year. any takers?

we so lazy?

2007-08-08T18:09:00.000-04:00

I'm tired of your dry emails. you wanna' communicate with me? do me a favor and make me laugh, or ponder, or something. just stop making your emails lame. on the other hand, don't try and be entertaining if you suck at it. a sure sign that you suck is if you think you don't. if this is the case, stick to the text messages. keeps folks in the dark on your suckedness.

to the right is an example of creative funny. it's no richard prior shit, but it ain't lame either. they made an honest attempt at brightening up our day, and you gotta' appreciate that.

here's the challenge:
lets send mass emails more. and consider our audience more. we're creative kids in a creative industry, and we should start acting like it. fuck dry communication, I just wanna' laugh. and dance.
the mo'haha the emails, the mo'betta.
hella'.

the house of payne is in effect, ya'll

2007-08-03T04:29:00.000-04:00

in case you haven't heard, the wickedest band of outlaw ad kids have joined forces under one roof and will take your underpants by storm. that's correct. you're all invited to e.b. sanctioned random-movie movie nights, sleepover concepting sessions, and ice cream for breakfast. plus we have a totally sweet pineapple door-knocker. eat your heart out, kids on the other side of town!

by the way, I was in virginny yesterday. it's very sticky-icky and the sunsets are blazing august orange. plus our friends the mosquitoes have found their way back home.

curses.

last one back to richey-town is a rotten bananer!

this one is for b-thibby

2007-07-26T16:15:00.000-04:00

hope it finds you in good spirits!

now, with more pervs than evAr!

2007-07-25T11:37:00.000-04:00

why don't I subscribe to the internet?
perverts. they're everywhere. and now they're even on myspace! I'm not exactly sure what that means, but does it really matter? the interweb is is just like the outerweb, just without the oxygen, so what's the diff? perverts pass you everyday on the street, you seem to manage just fine. they hang out at the penny arcades and hit on your kids, no harm no foul, right?

we need to get a grip on ourselves. the bigger the internet gets, the smaller it gets. as it grows we'll become increasingly invested in our online identities, and it'll become ever so difficult to con folks. but just like in real life, people have always figured out how to pull a fast one. that's how these folks got pinched in the first place. eventually we're all gonna' bump into some pretty nasty characters, virtual or otherwise. question is how we deal with it.

adcenter dissinformation!

2007-07-24T11:13:00.000-04:00

alex and his lovely new bride claire were camping in the caucasus mountains when their camp was raided by chechnian rebels. while they only serve rice and beans in the pow camp, alex swears he's not going veterinarian for a girl. not to worry, rick boyko knows president ramzan kadyrov. he'll take care of everything.

after succombing to her love of nyc's mean streets, jillian has decided to go homeless. she says she spends so much time at work cranking out heineken print and designing snowboards, she never really goes home anyways. she has already pledged her rent monies to a good cause: making sure the small boutique owners of soho can afford to keep the lights on. way to fight the good fight, jill.

black hats, pt.4: jew heckled!

2007-07-24T10:43:00.000-04:00

this morning on my way to play I was heckled by some jew-kids. two 8ish yearolds chanted at me from their balcony you can't wear leather shoes! over and over, until I fell out of sight.

now they must have been completely deranged because I was sporting my new Air Max BW PSG's, trainers that are as painfully stylish as they are synthetic. and while there is a jewish holiday during which you aren't allowed to wear leather shoes, it doesn't come 'round until september. go figure. at least they had sass, gotta' respect that sass.

black hats, pt.3: still interested?

2007-07-23T15:32:00.000-04:00

personally I identify as human first, jew second. while I appreciate the perks of living in a super-insulated socialist urban colony, I don’t think they’d be into my rule bending antics. so this isn’t the community for me, probably not you either I’m guessing. but it does bring up important issues.

what does it mean to be part of the ad community? do these folks care about us personally, or are they just casual acquaintances? connections? it makes me nervous to think about. all the back stabbing, shit talking, shady behavior in this industry. what if we all took care of each other? that’s my plan. look out for people along the path that feel the same way. otherwise life gets very lonely, and very scary. us adcenter kids get a head start on the game. whether by luck or by design we have a 100 kids who care about each other, and 100 more on the way. something worth thinking about next time you feel alone.

god bless adcenter.
and god bless the good ol' USofA!

black hats, pt.2: what's in it for me?

2007-07-23T14:55:00.001-04:00

when it comes to rules, I’m torn.
I see the benefit: by creating a box to play in we allow ourselves new freedoms. example, we can drive 55 mph on a two lane highway with other cars speeding at us only feet away. because of the line in the road its a completely comfortable experience. on the other hand, I quite enjoy breaking rules; crossing over the line into someone else’s safe-zone to pass at 100+ mph.

rules help define community. they set expectations. they shape our reality. orthodox jews live in an alternate reality. they will never go hungry, be lonely, or lose direction. the community is always there. need a job? someone knows someone. need a couch? there’s a basement where people drop furniture they don’t need so others can use it. having trouble making ends meet? anonymous free grocery service.

and then there’s shabbat. everyone walks to synagogue so everyone lives around each other. this makes for a pleasant saturday afternoon. families are out moseying to and from the park en mass. it’s quite a nice sight. everyone knows each other, says hello. you get invited in for lemonade. kids chase each other. parents catch up on the weeks gossip. just how you’d imagine a real neighborhood being.

black hats, pt.1: the dark side

2007-07-20T10:47:00.000-04:00

so you think you can hack it in the wild wild world of orthodox jewery? well you may find a few unexpected surprises. living the frum life may be all the rage, but there are a few hidden regulations down in the fine print that may work to cramp your steez. ahem.

for starters, dress modestly. get yourself a hat. cover up them locks, men and women alike. and cover up those sleeves and legs. skin is sexy, and sexy is a no no. if you wanna' go wild, get yourself some crocs for the weekend, black only please. do make babies. lots of them. so many that giant people-mover vans will litter the streets. make the babies with your spouse. don't have one? no worries, these things can be arranged. in the kitchen, keep two sets of everything. dishes, sinks, microwaves color coded blue for milk, red for meat. then wait at least 3 hours between eating one or the other.

friday evening through saturday evening is a whole other bag of tricks (shabbat). make sure to turn lights on before sundown, pre-tear piles of toilet paper, cook food. because as soon as that sun drops friday evening no working, no carrying, no playing, no. you can have guests over, but single guys are not allowed around single gals, unless they're officially courting. and you must pray. after every meal, when you get up, when you go to bed, when something good happens and something bad, on shabbat you walk to the synagogue and pray with other people (men and women separated of course) and then every other week there's another holiday to pray about. you get really good at praying.

why do perfectly sane people subject themselves to these torturous circumstances? is it a gang? once in, in for life? is it too late to change my mind? stay tunned for black hats pt.2: what's in it for me?

lil'bastard

2007-07-19T15:29:00.001-04:00

today is a slow day at the strawb. this is a picture of a tazmanian devil.
it's what comes up when you goog josh kobrin. you should goog yourself, let me know what sort of cheeky pics come up. wicked awesome.
updates:

eb davis and jill lin

rock that casbah

2007-07-18T21:27:00.000-04:00

lookin' for a good ol' timey war flick? one of those history repeats itself types? well try the battle of algiers (1965) on for size. especially if you think french people are stinky. 'cause they are. all of them.

it strikes me as eerie foreshadowing of every colonial v. gorilla conflict to happen since then, iraq part 2 included. it's brutal. it's honest. it doesn't spend much time on sissy subplots or sexy co-stars. just reel to reel wet hot revolutionary mayhem. my kinda' flick.

what? you have a car in NYC?!! not for long you crazy fool.

2007-07-18T15:09:00.000-04:00

not a car. a race car. duh. one of the hidden benefits of having an hour long train commute to the straawb every morning is having a place to park my bucket at night. and I gotta' tell you, driving in the city, well, it's da'bomb. a sea of yellow mercenaries paid to move people from one place to the next. and some cops. and me. all fighting to squeeze at high speed into small spaces, advance position, beat the lights.

well all was fun and games.

did you know it's illegal in the state of new york to hold a cell phone whilst operating a motor vehicle? NYPD knows. and now I know. I was on the telly with ms. jillian (sorry I had to hang up) and a cop told me to pull over. I considered my options, and not pulling over made the patty a wee bit nervous. he sent a gaggle of beat cops after me. who, at the next red light, politely demanded I pull the vehicle over. but I was in a hurry! "I don't really have the time," I told the officer who's mouth was foaming at my window. I guess he meant business?

welp, no insurance, the car isn't registered, nor titled. hell, it's a racecar! I was wearing my safetybelt, and that must have bode heavily on the hearts of the jr. swat patrol. rather than confiscate my wheels or tie my shoelaces together they were proper gentlemen; sent me on my way with a handful of yellow confetti (cough*tickets*cough) and a smile.
I <3 N Y.

big can o'bullshit.

2007-07-17T09:46:00.000-04:00

be enormous. you should. shouldn't you? whatever, as long as we're authentic to our target, the 'pack male.' but what does it mean to be enormous? is it Crock Dundee? that guy was pretty bigtime. or is it that kid that cut his own arm off with a pocket knife when it was trapped under a boulder? pretty f'n enormous. or is it Ferris Buler? that guy lives enormous for sure. no, it's none of the above, and at the same time all of the above. regardless, our task is to encourage the packmale to be more enormous, and even give him the resources to do so. but not really. we actually just want to poke fun at being enormous. because we've decided there's something funny about being enormous. but we also want to encourage enormosity. whatever. good luck asshole.
being enormous.

don't make no trouble

2007-05-17T18:33:00.000-04:00

I just wanna' clear something up before I start this whole "the internet" thing:

terrorist.